today is the anniversary of the day that changed my life. It was a big life event; the day my father died. July 21, 1995. I will forever remember the exact way that day played out. Even now, I can remember the emotions I felt at the time.
Losing a loved one is NEVER easy. It doesn't matter whether it is a blood relative, or a close friend. Loss hurts. It scars, and it can create such upheaval that it can be hard to recover from.
Losing a parent as a teenager was VERY difficult. Most of my friends had never experienced ANY sort of loss, and had no idea how to react. They figured after a few months I would be over it (yes, one even said that to me) On top of dealing with regular teenage stuff, I was trying to learn how to cope with my dads death. Add in the fact that he traveled 2 weeks a month for business (meaning having him NOT home was not abnormal) It took me a VERY long time to actually process my fathers death, and in that time I went through 2 bouts of depression/anxiety and sought out counselling for it both times.
My fathers death has played a large part into who I am today; it created a bond between my brother, mother and I that most people don't understand.
I am envious of those who have their parents with them, and that get to see their own children interacting. I am thankful that my children have 3 caring, loving grandparents - but I can't help but wish that the 4th was here on earth with them.
He would have been one of their biggest supporters no matter where life took them. I know that he is watching them, and I believe he is now their guardian angel - but I wish that they could have KNOWN their "papa rick".
I will be visiting my fathers grave with my children today - and remembering what a wonderful man he was. My mom and I try and spend the day together, and she will be coming with us also.