Saturday, July 21, 2012

The day that changed my life

today is the anniversary of the day that changed my life. It was a big life event; the day my father died.  July 21, 1995. I will forever remember the exact way that day played out. Even now, I can remember the emotions I felt at the time.

Losing a loved one is NEVER easy. It doesn't matter whether it is a blood relative, or a close friend. Loss hurts. It scars, and it can create such upheaval that it can be hard to recover from.

Losing a parent as a teenager was VERY difficult. Most of my friends had never experienced ANY sort of loss, and had no idea how to react. They figured after a few months I would be over it (yes, one even said that to me) On top of dealing with regular teenage stuff, I was trying to learn how to cope with my dads death. Add in the fact that he traveled 2 weeks a month for business (meaning having him NOT home was not abnormal)  It took me a VERY long time to actually process my fathers death, and in that time I went through 2 bouts of depression/anxiety and sought out counselling for it both times.

My fathers death has played a large part into who I am today; it created a bond between my brother, mother and I that most people don't understand.

I am envious of those who have their parents with them, and that get to see their own children interacting. I am thankful that my children have 3 caring, loving grandparents - but I can't help but wish that the 4th was here on earth with them.

He would have been one of their biggest supporters no matter where life took them. I know that he is watching them, and I believe he is now their guardian angel - but I wish that they could have KNOWN their "papa rick".

I will be visiting my fathers grave with my children today - and remembering what a wonderful man he was. My mom and I try and spend the day together, and she will be coming with us also.

5 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing this with us. Loss can be so difficult to deal with, and I never really think you "get over it", you just learn to cope in other ways.
    I hope you are able to have a nice day with your family sharing in the memories of your dad.

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    1. thanks so much for your comments!

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  2. It's easy to keep one's mind busy with day-to-day life but I know how tough anniversaries can be. I'll be thinking of you today.

    I'm sure that he's thinking of you too.

    Besos, Sarah
    Zookeeper at Journeys of The Zoo
    journeysofthezoo at hotmail dot com

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  3. I am lucky enough to have both of my parents still but my husband does not. He lost both of his parents when he was in his early-mid twenties which is way too young to lose your parents. (Not that it's easy anytime.) I feel bad sometimes when I go to my parents house since my husband can't do the same.

    HUGS today.

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  4. *HUGS*

    Losing a parent is tough. I lost my mom when I was 20 (she only 41). It's not something you can just get over and I cannot believe someone said that to you. Life is never the same after they leave. You just learn to live your life in a different way without them.

    I wish my mom could have met her grandchildren. I think they would be the most spoiled kids ever (although my dad does a pretty good job of it too).

    Thinking of you.

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